Magic Knight Evangelion
by Ysengrinn
Summary: AU. Shinji's class is on a school trip to Tokyo Tower, along with another class and a bunch of college girls. Suddenly Shinji starts hearing voices. Chapter 5 - the first Divine Machine enters the stage! Staring: Nigoki!
1. The Summon

Disclaimer - I don't own Evangelion. I can't even speak in Japanese! And also in ancient Jewish or Greek for that matter. Even English draws problems.

I know it's stupid. So? Who said all Magic Knights have to be girls ;)? Oh and by the way: based ONLY on the MKR series! Sorry, manga is not available in my country :(. 

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"Damn!!! Do you believe it Ken-man!?! School trip to Tokyo Tower! Do they think we're some kind of little sissies!?"

"Exactly, that's how they treat US, grown up fourteens! Are with us Shin..."

"Wow!!! Guys you gotta see this!!!" Shinji yelled, his eye almost glued to the telescope.

"You disgust me Ikari..."

"Shut up, numbskull I've got a view on some chick's bathroom windo..."

"Mine turn mine turn!!!"

Rudely thrown away from his view point by the military maniac, Shinji sighed and joined Touji in brooding. 

"You're not interested?"

"I am. But Hikari's to close and you know her. By the way who are those babes?"

"I don't know. Most of them look as student but that redhead seems to be our age."

"Yeah and she's a gaijin! She hasn't dyed her hair! Man she looks good! Where's Hikari?"

"She went to toilet. Hey don't do anything stupid or you'll be sorry..."

"Yeah yeah! Wish me luck Shin-man!" with this said, Touji launched to his 'prey'.

'Idiot,' thought Shinji 'his asking for it! Three, two, one..."

SMAAACK!!!

Touji was back shortly, with a gorgeous souvenir on his face. Shinji put a comforting hand on his shoulder saying:

"Wow, man. How DO you do that?"

"Shut u..."

"SUZUHARA!!!"

"It's been nice knowin' ya, Touji..." 

In the meantime Kensuke had a big problem. His object of desire and observation was getting out of the bath but unfortunately he needed another coin to activate the telescope once more. He decided to ask somebody. Unfortunately all of his friends were previously occupied. Well, Touji and Hikari were occupied and Shinji was not in any way going to pay for his watching. So because of these circumstances he asked some unknown, blue haired girl. She was just looking blankly outside the window. 

"Excuse me... miss..." aforementioned girl locked with a glare that spread cold all the way down his back. she had red eyes that were  now burning through the poor geek to see what's behind him. "Nevermind."

Meanwhile Shinji thought that Hikari had lost enough steam to touch her and not lose a hand. He gently grabbed her shoulders and pulled off of Touji's twitching body. Suddenly heard something, a soft voice that seemed to come out of his head.

"I'm princess Emeraude, priestess of the Magic World. Please become a Magic Knight and save this Realm (damn, I have no idea what Emeraude said in English version of MKR, I have to improvise^_^. Any help appreciated-author). 

For the first minute Shinji thought it was Kensuke, so he preventively rapped his head and asked about the joke. Of course the geek had no idea about any joke. Surprisingly, the weird girl touched Shinji's arm and asked:

"So you've also heard this strange summoning, Shinji Ikari?"  

"Eeh... yeah... Hey wait a minute! How do you know my name?!"

"..."

WHOSE PERVERTED JOKE WAS THAT!?!" demanded the read haired gaijin. The next thing boy remembered was a blur of light and his own scream.

* * *

"Where am I?" he asked who ever might've been listening.

"How could I know, baka?!" he heard an answer from someone resembling the red gaijin.  

"You could see for your self if you opened your eyes, Shinji-kun." That was that weird girl again.

"Thank... hey you didn't tell from where do you know my name!"

"..."

"Hey lovebirds!?! Anyone but me noticed where EXACTLY we are?!"

"Yes. We're flying on a back of a specimen of a flying fish specie unknown to human science about one mile above the ground." 

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?!"

* * *

"So we've landed, but where? Hey baka, stop kissing the ground and try to look around!"

"I don't think his kissing the ground..."

"EEEwwwwwww... gross. Anyhow, Ice-queen, do you have a idea where could we bee?"

"Ice-queen?"

"You where called because there was a need for you!"

Both girls, and Shinji who started to recover his self, looked in the direction of the voice.

"Was zum Teufel (devil) ist das?! Ein Zwerg (dwarf)?!"

"No I believe it's a Hobbit."

"It's just a kid!"

Before them was... a chibi Ritsuko Akagi. Currently with a word 'Death' written in her eyes in capital letters. 

"One more remark like this and I'm gonna hurt you all three."

"Oooh like I'm shakin'. Ouch! No fair, you're using the stick!"

"Though luck sweetie. Now listen you buttheads, 'cause I've got a job for you."

"What makes you think we take it?" red head, named Asuka as Shinji was able to catch, wasn't giving up.

"Hmm, I don't know! Maybe this?" Chibi-Ritsuko grinned viciously, waving their passports.

"Hey!!! Give'em back you bitch!!!"

* * *

"So we have to find some giant robots and bring them back to life, right?"

"That's what I've understood, Asuka. All we have to do for now is follow our guide"

"Guide?! You call THAT a guide!?!"

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRK!!!"   

"Yes I'm talking about you, you worthless fur bag!"


	2. Presea's Castle

Hello again. I don't own Shin Seiki Evangelion. And surprise -I also don't own Magic Knight Rayearth. Astounding isn't it? 

Vampriho - What's wrong with the Asuka/Rei pairing^_~? And I'm afraid if there WILL be a romance between the main characters it will be Shinji/Asuka (Rei is a clone of Shinji's mother so the idea of S/R simply scares me^_^; besides, Shinji only blushes when Asuka is involved^^). However don't expect miracles from me, I've never wrote a romance before and I'm not sure if I want to take a risk.

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On the orbit of Cephiro there was a giant castle. No one knew why priestess Emeraude had chosen this isolated place for a home. Some were saying that she didn't like visitors. Other were saying that she wanted a quite place to romp with her guardian, Zagato. There were even some that accused her of being ugly and therefore she didn't want to be seen. Of course no one cared about the 'official' history, saying that priestess shouldn't been interrupted in her prayer.

Aforementioned guardian, Zagato, was sitting hunched in his throne with joined hands in front of his mouth. Behind him was standing an old man with pointed ears wearing a white suit. The room had doorways hidden behind waterfalls and in each doorway stood a mysterious looking shadow.

"Rafaga" Zagato addressed the biggest shadow. "There's a rebellion in the western province. Take care of it."

"Hai" was said by a low, harsh voice.

"Ascot you shall pacify the riots in the North."

"Hai!" was said by a thin and cheerful childish voice.

"Caldin, you shall take east and..."

"WHAAAAAAAT!?!" was screamed by a young man's voice. "But I'm a dancer you fu$#%^%%#!!!!!"

"I'm sorry but we're short in funds. The budget has been cut. So go East and defeat the Autozam invasion."

"How in the Hell am I suppose to do that!?!"

"That's all soldiers you are dismissed."

All lights behind the waterfalls went down and all of the shadows disappeared. The weird Elf (or maybe Gnome?) looking old man behind Zagato spoke for the first time:

"The Magic Knights have come. Is this in your script?"

"Of course. It has begun."

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"And WERE are we now, you sorry excuse for a bird!?!"

"Wark?"

"I think we've reached our temporary destination, Asuka. Now we have to find the doorway..."

"I KNOW THAT BAKA!!! I was just... Scheisse!!!" 

In the meantime of yelling on the poor Magic knight-to be Shinji Ikari Asuka leaned over the wall. And a part of the wall she leaning over disappeared, causing her fall. Soon the whole forest was acquainted with a very large amount of German curses.

"That was great Asuka! You found the door!" said Shinji hoping that this will save him from being the scapegoat.

"I think you are incorrect, Ikari-kun. She just tripped."

"Pleeeaaase Rei, shut up..." he hissed in her direction.  

"What did you say Wondergirl!?!"

Of course they had enough time to know each other. Now they all knew that Shinji and Rei were learning in two different schools and Asuka was in college, though they were all the same age. Obviously the gaijin redhead considered herself a genius and a best Magic Knight candidate. Then she learned that the blue haired girl could use water magic. And she couldn't use ANY magic. That's why she kept calling her Wondergirl. And that's why she was almost the whole time pissed of. And Rei wasn't helping to cool her down.

"You said that I'm as clumsy as the Hentai-Baka here?!"

"No I said that you..." Shinji could swear that she used her lifeless way of speech just to enrage the German. And she sure did a good work. 

"Eeeh... 'xcuse me kids but what ARE you doing here. This here is a highly restricted military area and..."

All three pairs of eyes were turned in the direction of the voice. What they saw was Misato with a pony tail, wearing yellow tunic, knee-long red socks and a weird armor. She was holding a sword and she quite obviously didn't know what to do with it.

 Rei was of course first one to recover. She asked matter-of-factly:

"Are you Presea, major in Cephiro army and an assistant of a little Hobbit-like blond lady calling herself Magi?"

"Eeehm... hehehe... well her name actually is Clefia and I'm just taking care of her cats, 'cause she's my college mate and... Wait a minute who the Hell are you!?!" 

"Ever heard of Magic Knights?" asked Asuka, giving the stranger a doubtful glance.

"Magic Kni...? Oh shiiit!!!" Presea grabbed Asuka and Rei and send them flying inside the castle screaming (well, at least Asuka was screaming). Then she kicked inside Pen Pen and ran inside, pulling Shinji behind. 

Once inside she pressed some red button with a large sign 'DON'T PRESS' on it. The air was shattered by a deafening sound. After it you could hear a soft and gentle female voice saying:   

"The security systems have now been activated. Do not leave the facilities area or you could be wounded or even killed by ferocious beasts running amuck and sentry guns. All magic spell and artifacts are now useless due to major EMP disturbances. Please switch off your cell phones because they interfere in vitally important device activities. Seezetan Military Industries wishes you a good luck. Have nice day!"

Our three heroes were now wildly (count Rei out of THAT) eyeing the inside of the castle. And it sure was an interesting place. Cats of different shapes and sizes were everywhere, even on them. Walls were covered by wall paintings consisting young women, also of different shapes and sizes, in veeeeeeery interesting poses. Shinji was so occupied in them that he didn't even notice a nosebleed. That's when Asuka turned in his way to say something. Instead she said something else:

"ETCHI-BAKA-HENTAI!!!"

Rei said nothing. She only gave Presea a strange glare.

"WHAT!?!" asked the major, blushing slightly. "I've told I'm only taking care of the cats in here. It's all Clefia's idea!!!" 

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On the border of the Forest of Silence (please don't kill me if I got the English name for it wrong - author) one could see a scantily clad woman with short red hair (Naoko Akagi; Ritsuko's mother - author) walking swaying out of the woods, leaning on a magic staff. She was muttering something like: 

"That son of a bitch didn't say anything about an anti-magic field. Damn! I could be a world greatest scientist... but NO!!! I had to fall in love with the King of All Bastards... Fuck..." 

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"So we not only need to wake the Golems, but also kill that Zagato fellow? But we're just kids!"

"And if we kill him will you send us back?"

"Asuka!!"

"What?! Passports don't grow on trees you know! And I've left a boyfriend in Tokyo, I can't let some bitch come and snatch him from me!"

"Actually" said Rei Ayanami in her ever monotonous voice, "Ryouji Kaji is your legal guardian, not boyfriend." 

"Hahahah" Presea thought it was a good time to split both girls. "Asuka-chan please put that wardrobe down or Clefia will cut my paid. You know what? Let's go armory to find you all a nice set of weaponry. Before you get Escudo weapons you'll need them."   

She took them to a dark room full of all sorts of strange weapons. Asuka picked one of them.

"And how we are suppose to fight with whips and clawed gloves?"

"WHOOOOPSS!!! Heheh… wrong room! Come on!"

They went down to the dungeons. They were your regular dungeons, only without rats. Guess why? Finally Presea opened a big door and they went in.

"Now that we're here" she stated, "concentrate on your heart and you will get a weapon."  

All three closed their eyes concentrated on their hearts, whatever that means. Soon they all felt something in their hands and they've opened their eyes. And those aforementioned eyes bulged out. 

"Oh shit! What am I suppose to do with this?! Stick in my ass!?!" exclaimed Shinji. His 'weapon of choice' was a short knife with a blade that was glowing pink. 

"That would be rather painful, wouldn't it Ikari-kun?" said softly Rei, while watching her reflection on the blade of her giant claymore.

"WUNDERBAR!!!" yelled Asuka, admiring her broad double axe, stained with some old blood. "Hey Rei! How about a spar!?!"

"I sense a bloodlust in your voice, Knight Sohryu. Is it because you find me as a competition?"

"WHAT!?!" roared the German girl, swinging her axe. "How dare you insinuate that I have thing to that etchji-baka-hen..."

"I never said such things."

"..."

"Why is your face red, Knight Sohryu? Do you have a fever?"

"Drop it, Wondergirl..."  

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"So, miss Presea" Shinji started. They were all, including Pen Pen and about a thousand of cats, seated on chairs in a garden. "When will we get those Escudo weapons?"

"Well Clefia already gave you Escudo armor. But to make you Escudo swords you have to go on a quest and bring me that Escudo."

"What?!" asked the German. "Are you joking?! How are we going to cross that stupid antimagic barrier?!"     

"I thought you'll never ask" Shinji definitely didn't like Presea's wicked smile. She pushed a button they failed to notice before. "HASHIN!!!"

The whole four of them was catapulted high in the air and began their first mission.

"Priestess Emeraude, please pray for their success." said Presea in a dreamy mode. Then she went back to herself. "Finally!!! Cold yebichu here I come!"

She raced to the kitchen. All of the cats, which knew her all too well, raced to the forest. Tipsy Presea was far worse then the puny beasts Clefia bought in some foreign countries.

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That's all for now^_^. Thanks for reviews, add some more^^.


	3. Inferna khem Eterna Spring

Disclaimer - I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion. I don't own Magic Knight Rayearth. And I don't own a lawn Gnome.

One of the reviewers was offended by mine way of dealing with MKR. I beg you all to remember: this is a humor/parody. It's a work of a guy who cannot write a serious crossover due to low writing abilities. But I hope that others will find my sense of humor more amusing and less blatant.

Once again thank you for the reviews. More reviews are welcome^_^. 

Onwards!

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"Wark?"

"Get up Baka! We're movin'."

"I don't think he can get up, knight Sohryuu. You've beaten him up quite forcefully."

"Oh come on it was his fault! Besides he's just pretending."

"I don't think so. His not breathing." blue haired leaned over to touch the boys neck artery. "Plus the pulse is very weak."

"Oh shit!!! We have to save that Baka! Artificial respiration, quick!"

"Okay I..."

"NO WAY!!!" even Rei was a little startled by the fire that came out of Asuka's mouth. "I-I... I mean I'm better trained then you are..."

"Are you sure it's safe? You sound and look very feverish, with that red face and everything. You could contaminate him..."

"I'M FINE WONDER GIRL!!!" shouted Asuka, blushing even harder. "Besides it's my fault from the beginning."

_____________FLASHBACK____________________________________ 

Their landing was VERY hard. Asuka, who was well known for a hard head, recovered first. And when she got her senses running once again she found where Shinji have landed.

"ETCHI-BAKA-HENTAI!!!"

The rest is history. 

_____________END FLASHBACK________________________________

"Have you located the target, Alcione?"

"Sure thing, Zaggie honey." 

Some snickers in background.

"I don't see what's so funny, Innova." said Zagato in his usual commanding voice. "And I've told not to call me this way when we're in work."

"Sorry pumpkin."

"Whatever." mad laugher in background. "Just go and eliminate them." 

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"I wouldn't do that if I were you, knight Sohryuu. He could choke to death with your tongue."

"Are you suggesting that I... LOOK OUT!!!"

Asuka threw herself forward, pinning Rei to the ground, and thus saving her from giant ice daggers, that shattered the earth in a place they just left.  

"Someone is attacking us using magic!" Asuka swore not getting up. "It's time for you to enter the stage, Wonder Girl."

"Sure but... will you get off?"

"What do you..." Asuka finally noticed where EXACTLY was she resting her hand. "EEEEK!"

The redhead jumped in the air, blushing hard and mumbling something incoherent. Rei also stood up, draw her claymore and started running in the direction of the attack. Asuka only starred, obliviously caressing an invisible breast (sorry people couldn't help myself ^___^ - author). 

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"What the fuck!?!" Alcione was some what startled by the suicide behaviour of the blue haired Magic Knight. "Who does she think she is?! Kamikaze Kaitou or something?! Dye little bitch!!!" With that she fired another volley of ice daggers (lovely oxymoron, don't you think^_^? - author).

Meanwhile Rei, still running, raised a hand and shouted:

"MIZU NO RYUU (water dragon)!!!"

Giant water pillar with a dragon head erupted from the ground where she stood, and flew towards Alcione. Ice daggers broke as if they were hitting a stone wall.

"SHIT!!!"

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"As... Asuka?"

Shin... eeh... Baka? You Okay?"

"Yeah... I think so... it's just that I've got that weird aftertaste in my mouth..." said the boy getting up. "It tastes like blood."

"..." said Asuka.'It has to be that beef I ate at Presea. It was almost raw... Oh God what' am I thinking?!' was what she thought. "Looks like you've hurt yourself falling."

"More like you hurt me when I landed..."

"Whatever. Hey look it's Wonder Girl!"   

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARK!!!"

"And that good for nothing bird or whatever it is. Hey Pen Pen! How far is it to that Inferna Spring?"

"I thought it was Eterna..."

"I was joking, Wonder Girl!!!" 

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"You have a third and final chance, Alcione. This time I will not tolerate failure."

"Yes sir." She didn't even dare to call him one of his tender names.

"I thought she only tried once so Far." said Innova in a doubtful voice.

"Are you calling my orders into a question?"

"No sir."

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"I think we are being followed, knight Sohryuu."

"Where are they? How many?"

"In the bushes behind us. Only one, I think."

"Asuka, don't do anything stu..."

Too late. She already leaped in the air with an axe in her hands and a battle cry on her lips. The Bush was cut in half (and he deserves it, that smart-ass cowboy^_^ - author) and the girl started looking for another prey. She soon spotted a shadow behind a tree and Cephiro's oxygen production was once again diminished. When she started foaming a white flag was raised from behind a big rock. This was the moment Shinji chose to stop Asuka from ripping whoever they've met to bits. And he even succeeded. Because redhead's axe was stuck in the rock. 

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"How long will she need to cool off?"

"I don't know. She's been mumbling german curses for over an hour. And she wanted to bite off my hand when I was feeding her."

Shinji and Ferio, a boy that was almost killed and probably eaten alive by the german girl, were now watching her all tided up from a safe distance. Rei was doing something in the big, fridge-like house that Pen Pen has summoned. The other boy was taller then Shinji and had white hair (Kaoru Nagisa^_^). There was something weird about him, but Shinji couldn't place it.

"So, Ferio-kun" Shinji started. "What are you planning to do now?" 

"I don't know. Maybe I will stay and protect you?"

"Ehmm... I... that is..." Shinji stuttered, blushing hard. "I don't I will be in a big danger. You've seen both of them fighting."

"And who's going to save you from those two?"

"Good point." the boy admitted. "I'm hungry. Let's go inside."

When they stepped inside they've found out what precisely Rei was doing. She was taking a shower. And now she was parading in the living room in only her towel. 

"Like I said, Shinji-kun. WHO is going to protect you from them?"

Shinji didn't answer, too busy stammering and looking the other way. Rei obviously didn't see anything wrong in her state of dress so she was surprised with boys' behavior. Suddenly a red blur erupted from the doors, run between both guys and stopped by Rei.

"Baka-Shinji, what are looking at!?!" yelled Asuka, covering Rei with a blanket. "And you Wonder Girl, stop seducing hi... our guest."

"Better use chains next time" Ferio suggested to Shinji's ear. "Or if you let me, I could show how to tie a person to a bed so there is no way he's getting away."

"N-no th-thank you" said Shinji, blushing nice and brightly. 

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Far away, in the heart of the Forest of Silence, remnants of the cats were slowly and carefully returning to their home, plotting bad things to do to their guardian.

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Morning was beautiful. It would be even more beautiful for Shinji if Asuka wouldn't tie him to the bed (yes, she was eavesdropping). It was because the house had only two bedrooms. Because if Rei and Asuka were to sleep in the same room only one of them would've come out of it in the morning, Asuka declared that she will sleep with one of the guys. And because 

Ferio was a complete stranger she decided to share the room with Shinji. And don't get any funny ideas - she tied him up so he COULD NOT do something naughty, not to DO something naughty (owww... -author). Rei didn't use any ropes on Ferio, though he was very eager that she would (^_^ - author). 

After a tasty breakfast they followed Pen Pen to the Spring of Eterna. They were attacked by few monsters, but the monsters ran away when they saw Asuka swinging her axe and yelling something about Ragnarok. Each time she did so Ferio kept saying something about fight being an aphrodisiac and encouraging Shinji. Rei remained silent.

Finally they've reached their destination. At least Pen Pen thought so.

"This is Spring Eterna?! What the fuck!?!" I think I don't have to say who said it. 

"I've never seen that kind of a ball before."

"Perhaps it is made of Escudo?"

What they saw was a rather big ball with black and white stripes on it. It kind of strange and it definitely wasn't a spring of any kind. The german girl finally lost her temper.

"Damn ball!!!" she yelled, throwing a stone. The stone never hit the ball, 'cause it disappeared (the ball that is). And under the feet of our heroes appeared a black shade-like surface. "FUCK!!!"

"So that's how it works!" Ferio exclaimed peacefully. He and Pen Pen were the only ones who didn't fell.

"Waaark!!!" 

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There was only silence and darkness. Shinji couldn't see even the end of his nose. Confidentially, he couldn't even FEEL the end of his nose. At least for the first moment. After a while he felt different parts of his body and started seeing some blurry lights. And then he saw...

"Hikari?" (Okay so you need to know the MKR to get this joke - author) he asked the dark figure. "Why are you growling?"

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Asuka was disorientated. She was surrounded by strange spiral galaxy-like light sources. And in front of her was... another her (yes, I know people like to duplicate her^_^ - author). And that alter ego of hers had a quite frightening look in her eyes. Of course she wouldn't admit it.  

"Ein Doppelganger (german shapeshifter)? There is only one Sohryuu Asuka Langley and I shall prove it! YAAAAAA!!!"

She swung her axe to anticipate the attack on her. And she was even successful in cutting of the other Asuka's braid. The bad news was - her braid also fell to the ground.

"So she's my mirror reflection?" thought Asuka. Yes Kaji definitely shouldn't allow her to watch so many animes. "This is not good."

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Rei Ayanami was standing face to face with a pair of adults. The one was a woman in a suit; the other was a man in a jacket. They were locked in a staring contest for a few minutes, before she said.

"AOI TATSUMAKI!" summoning a blue whirlpool which hit the pair and probably smashed it.

"You're good!" said Alcione when the illusions faded away. "How did you know that they weren't your real parents?"

"The woman wore red suit. Red is the color I hate."

"And what if your mother wore red?" Alcione asked Rei politely. There was a long silence. Then suddenly:

"MIZU NO RYUU!"

"KYAAAAAA!!!"

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"YAAA!!! Please Hikari! Stop! I didn't do anything! It was all Toji's idea!"

"What are you doing?"

Shinji stopped to look at his interlocutor. She was a little girl with a very long, golden hair and sapphire eyes. Her sight alone was astounding, and on top of all that she was a bit transparent. In a normal day the boy would simply ran away screaming, but he came to a conclusion that meeting ghosts here in Cephiro was something normal and unsensational. So he just watched the ghost with wide open eyes. Hikari took advantage of his opening and burrowed her teeth in the back of his neck. 

"What do you mean what am I doing?" asked Shinji, not thrown off balance by Hikari's wild demonstration of lust. "I'm saving my live!"

"You've got a knife. Can't you just kill her?"

"But she's a human! A friend from school!"

"Hello!?! This is Cephiro! What in the nine Hells would she be doing here?! She's just an illusion."

"Re-really?"

"I'm positive. Now take care of her, I have to talk some senses into Asuka before she..."

"Who are you little girl?"

"I'm priestess Emeraude, the one that summoned you three blockheads here."

"I don't it's safe for you to talk to her. She IS quite pissed off on you, you know."

"I'm a GHOST, you numbskull! What possibly could she do to me? By the way, hurry up or miss freckled here is gonna bite your head off."

"Thanks for reminding me. OUCH!!!"

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"But when I cut her braid off, I also cut off mine!"

"Don't worry. It's a 100% certain. I swear it!" 

"I can see through you."

"So?"

"Your fingers are crossed behind your back. Hey watch it!" the last sentence was referred to her clone, which was swinging her axe wildly. Asuka dodged and parried another attack.

"I'm still not sure of this."

"You know" said Emeraude, smiling wickedly. "Rei has already passed this test."

"WHAT!?! Now you tell me that I fall behind to Wonder Girl!?!"

"A-nd, Shinji also passed. So now they..."

"STIRB (die - germ.)!!!" with one blow Asuka became one and only once again. 

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"So this is Escudo? I thought it was something else, like colorful crystals or bars of a metal..."

"I knew the name was somewhat familiar, but..." 

Three wanna-be Magic Knights were examining their loot. It was... three coins with some words written in Portuguese on them.

"I don't get it."

"Escudo is a national currency in Portugal, baka."

"Portugal? Is it somewhere in Africa?"

"You really ARE an idiot aren't ya?"

"WAAAAAAAAARRRK!!!"

"What's with you dumb bird... I think..."

"I think he's trying to show us something. What is it Pen Pen?"

The black and white ball of fur (yes, fur! it's my fick, is it not^_^? - author) turned around and they saw a mini TV screen. And it was showing some kind of a statue. The statue had spoken:

"It's me, Clefia. That son of a bitch put a spell on me. Now I'm some kind of an decoration."

"Actually you're a lawn gnome..."

"I KNOW THAT!!!" the statue roared, though it'd lips weren't moving. "Now I will give some magic powers, 'cause I forgot to do it earlier."

"'Bout time." said Asuka. She and Shinji soon felt a strange but pleseant sensation. After a while the German pointed a finger towards Rei. "HONO NO YA!!!" 

When the fire expired Shinji saw that Rei was slightly singed but still standing straight. And she was giving Asuka a VERY unpleasant glare.

"You're going to have trouble, knight Sohryuu." she said in a low voice before she collapsed. 

"That wasn't a very good idea" Ferio, who met them again on the surface, whispered to Asuka's ear. "She's not i a good mood right now. And besides: now Shinji will have to heal her with his spells."

"Damn."

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Okay people, that's all for now. If you want me to continue let me now. If you want me to stop - don't make any reviews^_^. 


	4. New threat: the Summoner

Disclaimer - I do not own Evangelion, MKR nor a lawn gnome. Also I don't own any cash in Portuguese currency. Nor any other so please don't sue 'cause it ain't worth it.

I wanted this chapter to be longer and to post it earlier. But it became too big when I started writing it and it would take too much time to complete it. It would be posted yesterday but my internet connection failed :(. Today I had some more time but I also had an killer headache so I wasn't able to expand it. Oh well. You'll just have to wait a bit longer^_^.

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"Another tea, sempai? Of course! And how many lumps? Two? Here you go!" Said Ascott cheerfully. 

She was a short, black haired girl dressed mostly in green (chibi Maya Ibuki ^_^ - author). She was sitting in a big garden, having a tea party with her friends and her sempai. They were all dressed in lovely pink tutus.   

"You also want some, Sachiel?" strange beast, which view bring to mind an American football player pulled inside out, made a strange sound in confirmation. Because he got no mouth, all of the tea was spilled on his pink tutu.

"Oh no! Now I will have to wash again! Sempai why aren't you drinking? Your tea is going to get cold."

"Ascott? What are you doing?"

When turned around she saw one of lord Zagato's lackeys.

"Oh hi, Alcione. What do you want? I was talking with my sempai."

"That's a lawn dwarf..."

"No it's my sempai!!! She was just cursed by those evil Magic Knights!"

"Yeah whatever. Zagato said you are to be the next one to take care of them."

"So you blew it?" asked the little girl, smiling wickedly. 

"You would love that, wouldn't you?" smiled Alcione. "Unfortunately for you, Zagato decided that I was too important to risk my life in such a unimportant mission. So he's sending you. Have fun with your furbags."

'Old hag.' thought Ascott. 'She just won't admit it, would she? Like if it wasn't obvious.'

"So sempai?" she returned to her cheerful mood. "Did you want some more tea?"

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Clefia was in hell. Not only was she imprisoned in this stupid and ridiculous form, but now she was dressed in a pink tutu and full of tea. Unfortunately for her she couldn't speak. Her only way of communication was the TV on Pen Pen's back, but he was far away. She just prayed that no one who knew her had seen her like this.

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"Are we taping this Innova?"

"Of course sir."

"Excellent."

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"Well this is where we part our ways." said Ferio, when they've reached the border of the Forest of Silence. 

"Why?" Shinji asked disappointed. "Aren't you coming at Misato's?"

"Now Shinji don't forget," mocked Asuka "this IS a secret military area, isn't it?"  

"Well I would want to give you something" said the white haired boy, nearing to Shinji, who of course blushed. He then put something pink and gold into the smaller boy's hand. "It's magical. If say your wish to it, it shall come true."

"Hey!" yelled Asuka. "Why does only the baka get a present?!" 

"Because I think I like him. Ja ne!" and he ran away.

Shinji was red as a tomato. Asuka was dumb struck. Rei was... well Rei. After a while Asuka gave Shinji a very cold glare, but strangely didn't cool his face down. Quite the opposite even.

"Gross..." she said finally, thinking that it was a good idea to order Shinji to sleep with her instead of sleeping with Ferio (in one room that is, you little hentais ^_^ - author). 

"What do mean by that, knight Sohryu?" asked Rei in her soft voice. "Do you not tolerate people interested in their own sex? Of all of the people, you are the last one I would suspect of that."

It's quite hard to imagine that, but her voice was dripping acid. Asuka quickly guessed what she meant by that and had beaten Shinji in blushing. 

"Okay let's go ahead" said Shinji, just to end the weird conversation and get going. 

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When they arrived at the complex (let's skip all of the fights between the unlucky monsters and blood thirsty Asuka, shall we?) they were astonished by the scale of the destruction that has occurred during their absence. The walls were shattered, the bushes were burnt to the ground and all sorts of rubble were all over the place. 

They soon found Presea, leaning over the wall and sitting in a pool of red.

"PRESEA!!!" Shinji raced to her. "Who did this?"

"...Shinji...?" she said weakly, barely opening her eyes. 

"Don't move! I will use my healing spell!"

"There is... no time... You have go to that chamber" she pointed to one of a few left buildings. "There is a machine there. Put the Escudo... inside... and it will make you a weapon..." after that she went silent.

"PRESEA!!!" screamed both Shinji and Asuka.  

"Zzzzzzzz..."

Face fault of the month. After recovering Asuka came closer and smelled the sleeping cat guardian. And her eyes bulged out.

"How could I get caught like that stupid baka?! This is Bloody Mary!"

"A what?"

"Oh right, Japanese don't drink those kind of things. It's a kind of alcohol to put it simply. Of course normal people DO NOT drink that much of this stuff." she said, glaring at Presea with disgrace (remember that glare she gave Shinji in episode 26 when he collided with Rei ^_^? - author). "Let's go and get this over with."  

"You suppose that she destroyed the complex all by herself?" asked Shinji in disbelief.

"It would be the only explanation, Shinji-kun, since there is nobody else here."

"The hell right, Wonder Girl. Even the cats had run away. Can't blame'em actually." 

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"So this is what you have to do Shamshel. Got that?" the little girl got some kind of a growl as a reply. She was obviously certain what it meant, though. At least, she looked that way. "Good. Now go forth and destroy those who had changed my sempai into a cute statue! Buahahaha!!!"  

Big balloon-like creature sweat dropped but did as he was said. The going part I mean.

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"That's it?" said Asuka, trying to melt the machine with a glare. "We had to go on a fucking quest, risk our lives, and all because this slot machine only accepts Portuguese money?! This is nonsense!!!"

"Tell me about it. You at least had some fun slaughtering all of those monsters."  

"Well excuse for saving your stinkin' ass, mister invincible!" 

"Duck..." suddenly whispered Rei to Shinji ear. Asuka got good hearing so she heard it and was also able to avoid the attack. "Fuck." the quiet girl commented softly. 

"Nice poetry Rei," mocked Asuka, standing up. "Why the fuck did you do that?"

"MIZU NO RYU!" was Rei's answer. The redhead dodged again and the spell hit the balloon-like monster (balloon isn't the only thing Shamshel reminds me of, but I shall remain silent ^_^). "You were in peril knight Sohryu so I helped you."

"Well... thanks" said Asuka. 'I'll eat my shoes if I believe in that, Wonder Girl' was what she thought.

'Damn she dodged again' was what Rei was thinking.

Mean while the monster came back unnoticed by both ladies. Shinji, seeing that both girls are busy with themselves (gotta get a grip on my self or this is really going to end as a Rei/Asuka ^_^ - author) thought that this is finally time for him to save the day. Not that he was over-joyful about this. He only knew one offensive spell but he thought it could be useful against a overgrown, brown cucumber.

"Midori no Shippu!!!" green waves of air launched towards Shamshel but were shattered by his glowing tentacles. Shinji quickly fell to the ground, pulling Asuka with him. The other girl jumped away.

"Why did you saved ME, Shinji?" whispered the girl, not looking in his eyes and shining with red.

"You were closer." said Shinji. The fact that he was true didn't save him from challenging her into a blushing contest.

"Oh..." she managed to say. "In that case... LOOK OUT!!!" They've barely rolled away from another impact. Second later Asuka was already on her feet and charging on the monster.

"OMAE WA KOROSU!!!" as I said before, she was watching too much anime, including Gundam Wing of course. She also kept forgetting that she wasn't made of gundamium, or hadn't had an AT Field for that matter. "KYAAAA!!!"  

"ASUKA!!!" the boy wanted to run to the point where she fell but he was almost washed away by another Rei's spell. He tripped and fell beside the machine. When he was blindly fingering the ground under himself he felt something hard. He opened his eyes and saw his sword. He awkwardly took it in his hands and looked at the monster, which started advancing again. He had never used a sword before but he felt that this time he has no choice. He started chanting his battle mantra (oh you know what I mean it's not that hard to guess^_^ - author). 

Then suddenly he launched to the beast and plunged his sword to a ball under his head (????). And the monster... exploded.  

"So he really was a balloon." said Shinji sheepishly. "What a smell... eeewww!"

Then remembered about Asuka's condition. He looked in her way and found Rei heading in her direction. When she spotted his gaze she quickly hid something behind her back. However, Shinji could see a sword's blade from over her shoulder. 

"Could you knock it off? Be the resonable one."

"Why do I always have to be the reasonable one?" she said monotonously.

"Ehm... please?" he tried. 

"If I am ordered I will do it." she said. There was a tune of stubbornness in her voice, though. The boy sighed. It was going to be long night.

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About a half an mile away Ascott was crying her head off and saying hundreds of words inappropriate for a little girl. And swearing revenge, of course.

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"Oh my God, my head!" said Presea, getting up finally. She received two evil glares and one emotionless. "What? Holy shit! What happened here?! Clefia is gonna kill me!!!"   

"We don't know. It was like this when we arrived." explained Asuka. "What the fuck were you doing!? Playin' with a bazooka?!" 

"No I don't know anyone called Bazuka. I was just cookin' and..."

"Figures." murmured Shinji. Then he stated "We better get going. We don't know when the enemy will start another attack, solet's hurry."   

"I agree" said Rei silently. "Come on knight Sohryu. Pen Pen has already moved." 

"Awww, going so soon?" pouted Presea. "You won't even have breakfast?"

"No thanks" said the whole three in unison. Even Rei had terror in her eyes. "We got to get going. Bye!"

"See ya kids!" she started waving cheerfully.

"Kids? How dare she..." 

"Come on Asuka. It ain't worth it..."

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Review please ^__^. What more can I say?


	5. Guardian of Fire

Disclaimer – I don't own the following: Evangelion, MKR, Gundam Wing or any Gundam at all for that matter (it goes to the previous chapter, I simply forgot I think^^), lawn gnome or Pokemon.

Ohayo, minna-san^_^. Everything in this chapter SHOULD have been in the former, but I've simply overrated my abilities. So here you go finally. And Radire - thanks for the idea^_^. Oh and watch it – OOC!

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"Shinji?"

"Yes?"

"I'm bored."

"Gulp... I mustn't run away... I mustn't run away... I mustn't run away..."

"What's with him?"

"Perhaps he still remembers what happened the last time you were bored."

"Is this jealousy in your voice?" Asuka said sardonically.

"No. Why would I want you to kiss me?"

"I didn't mean that, you perverted bitch!!!" exclaimed Asuka with a red face. 

"I knew that. It's what people call 'sarcasm'." Rei answered stoically.

"Why... I ought to...!" then suddenly Asuka remembered something. "Hey! That Felio fellow gave Baka-boy here a present that granted wishes! How about if we test it?"  

"I believe his name was Ferio..."

"Who cares?" said Asuka. Then she went to Shinji. "OK Baka give me the..."

"I mustn't run away... I mustn't run away... I mustn't run away..."

"Hopeless..."

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"OK Gaghiel, this is what we'll do." Ascott, the Cephiro prodigy of Summoners, was now standing on a floating peace of rock in a center of a sandy desert and talking to herself. At least it looked that way. "You will now hear the voices of those evil, no-good sempai-into-kawaii statue-shifters..." 

Something under the sand sweat dropped.

"And the next time you'll here it you shall destroy the source of it. Buahahaha (if you had ever watched "Dexter's Laboratory" imagine Mendark's laugh in a feminine version^_^ - author)!!!" another underground sweat drop.

"OK now pay atention!"

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"OK me first me first!!!" grinned the redhead. "I wish that this Zagato feller would commit suicide and I could go home to my fiancé Kaji!" 

"I thought he was your guardian?" Shinji was obviously disorientated. Or he just wasn't happy enough with his life. 

"It's your turn, BAKA!!!" said the German girl, glaring daggers at him. The boy was glad that she had forgotten her giant axe, because he believed that his magical barrier could hold on under her sword attack. "Make it a good one." 

"I... I-I... I wish that we could go through all of this alive... and possibly in one piece."  

"You call that a wish?! O my God, what are you, stupid?! Come on let's go!!!" 

"But... Ayanami still hadn't got a wish!"

"Who cares?! What could she possibly wish for?!" Asuka ran ahead, towing Shinji behind. He barely managed to give the wishing thing to the other girl.

Rei glared blankly at the pink device.

"What could I possibly wish for?" she finally spoke softly.

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"I wish that this Zagato feller would commit suicide and I could go home to my fiancé Kaji!" 

"I... I-I... I wish that we could go through all of this alive... and possibly in one piece."

"Those are their wishes?" Ferio was slightly disappointed. He got another pink thingy and was hearing to the words said on the other side, while walking through the desert. "I thought they were more original. I wonder what Rei wished for?"

He hadn't got time to find out. Suddenly the sand moved under him, and when he looked back saw enormous jaws erupt from the sand. He was inside the giant mouth before he could even think of running away.

"No Gaghiel!" he heard a thin girly voice scolding the beast from outside the mouth. "This wasn't one of them! Spit that out!"

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"So where to now, furball?" asked the redhead, glaring annoyingly at their weird guide. Suddenly a VERY big sword had fallen from the sky and plunged itself in the ground half a centimeter from her foot. She did the last thing expected: fainted. 

Fortunately for her, and probably unfortunately for him, Shinji caught her before she hit the ground. 

"Not bad," said Rei to the sky. "But you have to work on your aim."

Suddenly something fell on her and she unconsciously caught in her arms. Ferio also unconsciously threw his arms around her neck.

"Well hello there!" he exclaimed. Then Rei let go. "Ouch."

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"So you say that there is an ambush waiting for us? Thanks! Now we will be prepared and surely will win. Right Asuka?" Shinji finally noticed that the redhead wasn't with them. 

"Asuka?"

"There she is." Ferio pointed to a dark sphere of negative energy that has gathered in the forest. "I think she is in a foul mood. We better stay away or we could get hurt."

"Now that's what I call bad mood." said Shinji in awe. "She even made trees loose their leaves!"

"Where did Rei go by the way? I haven't seen her since she threw me away. I'm heartbroken." said Ferio standing in a dramatic pose.

"Rei? I don't know, she was just... oh fuck..." 

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"Are you crying?"

"Screw you, Wonder Girl!!! Sohryu Asuka Langley never cries!" yelled the German girl.

"I thought YOU were Asuka Langley?"

"Don't try to be dumber then you are, Ice Queen. I AM Asuka Langley!"

"Then why are you crying?"

"I'M NOT CRYING!!!" exclaimed Asuka, trying to slap Rei. The other girl caught her wristle. "Ouch! That hurts, you bitch! Let go of me!" 

"It would seem you have problems." said the blue haired girl in her ever stoic voice. "I shall free you from them."

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"OK looks like we took the wrong way." Shinji stated. "This is the other side of the forest."

"Yes," Ferio agreed. "The desert side."

"Oh shit!"

"ROOOOOOAAAAAAARRRR!!!" 

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KLANG!!!

The swords of both girls clashed again. And again. And again. And a one more time. And...

"I've had it!!!" yelled Asuka. "What's wrong with you Wonder Girl?! Just because I played a joke... 

"Your joke almost incinerated me." Rei answered calmly. "You must face the consequences."

"HYAAA!!!" with that Asuka cut of Rei's left arm, which the other girl used to protect her head. "No I will not!"

Suddenly the wound swelled and big flesh bubbles appeared. When they disappeared Rei had her arm back.

"Yes you will."

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KAAAAA-BOOOOOOOOMMM!!!

Ferio was watching stoically as Shinji emerged from them remnants of the monstrosity. The major part of it was now flying high or covering the desert. He also was covered in it.

"You're a genius Shinji!" he said, wiping the stuff out of his face. "I wouldn't think of that.

"Yeah... hehehe... thanks." 

It really was pretty simple. Shinji was swallowed by the monster and then he activated his magical Wind powers. The pressure had blown the monster away. 

"No time for this right now," stated Shinji. "We have to find the girls before something bad happens."  

"Yeah, or something bad could happen to my little water goddess."

"You actually have a crush on Rei?" Shinji was quite shocked.

"Yes. I found out that we are very much the same." answered the taller boy. "You and Asuka however are like magnets - attracting opposites." 

"What are you saying?" Shinji blushed. "She treats me like crap. How could she..."  

"KYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!"

They both turned to the direction of the scream but saw only a red blur. Then something almost choked Shinji to death. It was... Asuka, who was wildly clinging to his back with her hands on his neck. And the weirdest part was that she was trembling.

"See Shinji-kun? You can't get her off of you!" Ferio exclaimed cheerfully.

"Buzz off, milky!" she yelled. "And you Baka don't get any stupid ideas. Just do something to the monster."

"What monster?"

"That one!"

They stared into the forest. And...

"It's just Ayanami, Asuka-chan."

"I know that! She's the monster! Kill her! Annihilate her! Skin her alive! And if you call me Asuka-chan again I will rip your heart out and eat it on your very eyes." 

"Right. Try to calm down a little."

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"Now listen, Israfel. Because two of our friends were slaughtered by those evil Magic Knights, you must go and avenge them. Got that?"

The beast with yin-yang-like head growled something that could be translated as 'why the fuck do I have to do this? Can't you move your little crappy ass?'. Of course Ascott was oblivious to that.

"Good. We have to ambush them good this time, so I will disguise you as a cute little animal OK?" no response. "Great! Let's go!" 

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"Aaah! What a beautiful morning! Don't you think, Rei?"

"..."

"Yeah I love you too." Ferio was already on his way to Shinji's room. Once he was inside he couldn't help but laugh.

"It's not funny!"

"Yeah I bet. Let me guess - she went for a walk and forgot to untie you?" 

"Bingo. Now could you do this?"

"Sure thing."

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Asuka was on clearing full of beautiful flowers. She was just walking and making a bouquet. You don't believe in this? You're right, I don't believe it either. She was cutting them down by her sword and swearing hard. And she even had a reason for it. That Baka and his albino friend wouldn't believe a word she was saying. They thought she was flipping her wig or something. She needed to cool of before she killed somebody.

"Pika!"

She swung around and saw an adorable chubby yellow rodent. It got brown stripes on it's back and red cheeks.

"Oooh! What a kawaii thing! Come here little fellow! Let your mama Asuka cuddle you!" 

"Chu!" said the thing as it happily skipped it's way to her side. 'Close enough' she thought.

"HYAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" the dumb little mouse-like creature was cut in half. However, both of the halves shifted to giant beasts with round little heads.

"A trap!" yelped the redhead. Then the look of surprise was almost instantly replaced by a VERY evil grin. "WUNDERBAR!!!"

The rest is history.

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The last event had put Ascott in an attack of fury and Asuka in fairly good mood for the rest of the week. She was again her old self, bitchy and self-confident as ever. Only from now on she kept a distance from Rei. 

They were still following Pen Pen on his bouncing way to the golems. They've got used to his constant 'waaarking', only Asuka always complained that he was hiding during the battles (as if he could help them win ^_~ - author). Finally he had leaded them to the foot of a volcano.

"Don't tell me that we have to go inside?" said Shinji when he looked up to the top.

"Frankly speaking I've anticipated that something like this would happen." said Asuka sarcastically. "Now it's SO cliché!"

Mean while Pen Pen had summoned some kind of a flying vehicle. It looked like a large fridge with little angle wings. They've got inside and sited themselves on the shelves. And it took of to the top of the fire mountain.

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"OK Sandalphon, you are my last resort. If you fail I will have my butt kicked by the Bit 'Z' and won't be able to avenge sempai. So put your heart to it, OK?"

"GROWL!!!"

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"Hey! Did you see that?! She vanished on my very eyes!"

"I think her Golem is summoning her." explained Rei.

"So it's her Golem? That would explain the volcano. She's a fire caster after all." realized the boy Knight.

"It maybe." Ferio agreed. "But enough of that for now. We have company I'm afraid."  

Shinji also had seen the pink beast with green stripes (WHAT!?! DO you have a evidence that this isn't Sandalphon's true color^_^? - author) emerge from them the lava torrent.

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"A lion?"

"I am Apostle (it's a name ^_^ - author), a divine machine of Cephiro. Show me the strength of your spirit, and we shall share power."

""Why do you have such big ears?"

"So I can hear you better."

"Why do you have two pairs of eyes?"

"So I can see you better."

"Why do you have such big teeth?"

"Top split your throat if you don't get to the point!!!"

"Oh."

She suddenly heard something from behind the door. It sounded like a fight.

"What was that?"

"Probably your friends getting killed by some vile beast."

"WHAT!?! I've got to save them!" 

"No you can't risk your life. You must save this World from destruction, not fall in a meaningless battle."

"But... but Shin... Baka... and..." suddenly Asuka remembered something. She now had a sly grin on her face. "HONO NO YA!!!" 

Her spell had destroyed the gate that was between her and the rest. 'I've seen that film before' she thought to herself. 

'It's just some stupid test. I'll show them!' 

She fired another attack on the fridge-like ship that was standing near the monster. It exploded and the cold air had freezed the beast's skin which fell apart. It roared in pain and charged on her. But was stopped by some thing. A giant robot (OK, imagine simply unit-02 without binders and with a sword and fiery wings - author). The robot caught the beast by it's tail and head and crushed his spine (go see 'End of Evangelion': Asuka did the same thing to one of the series Eva ^_^ - author). The fight was over. 

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"I know it's stupid." the robot agreed. "But it's the standard procedure. Most of the Knights aren't very intelligent so the test suits them just fine."

"Whatever. Now can we kill the bastard and go home?"

"I'm sorry, but you have find mine two colleagues. We could probably defeat him ourselves but as I said already...

"Standard procedure."

"Right. I'll be seeing ya!" and the robot Apostle disappeared.

"Ja ne."

"Great job Asuka." cheered Shinji.

"How are we going to get down without the vehicle?" asked them Rei. 

"Oh shit."

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That's all for now. Review please ^_^. BTW -if there will be a next chapter, it will contain the end of Ascott's case! Se ya!


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